Learning how to walk the talk

So, where do we start?

One of the most important first steps is to role model the behaviour you want to see from your kids. What you do is so much more important than what you say. Children learn from their learned experiences and immediate environment.

What is a positive role model?

A positive role model is a person whose behaviours and actions serve as an example by influencing others. For many children, the most important role models in their lives are their parents and primary caregivers. Children look up to a variety of role models to help shape how they behave in school, in relationships, or when making difficult decisions. Children also look up to other relatives, teachers, coaches, and peers.

A child’s relationship with their parent or caregiver can be one of the most important that they’ll ever have in their life and play an integral role in shaping their future development.

The goal for most parents would be that their children grow up to be healthy, happy individuals who show respect and consideration for others. However, many good character qualities cannot be taught, they need to be learned and experienced, which is why positive role modelling is so important in the formative years of any child.

When a child follows the example of an adult, they will pick up habits and perspectives that could last their entire lifetime.

So, how does role modelling work?

This is where we walk the talk and the rubber hits the road so to speak.

How you behave sends a signal to your child that this is the sort of behaviour you approve of, or is acceptable to you (good and bad behaviours).

If what children observe from your behaviour is different from what they are being told, then your child is likely to become confused, and possibly resentful. It may also blur expectations and boundaries, leading to conflict and frustration between you and your child.

Role modelling works in relation to virtually everything – from how you handle emotions such as frustration and anger, to how you respect and relate to other people, to how you respond to stress and cope with difficulties. It also influences patterns such as eating, exercise, how you look after yourself, and problem-solving.

If you live your life in a way that reflects your values and clearly demonstrates what is important to you, then what you say and what you do will clearly align as one, providing clear lessons for your child about what you expect from them, as well as what they can expect from you.

It’s important to think about ways you can be a positive role model for your child, most importantly as they transition to become more autonomous and independent in adolescence.

Some Key Things to Positively Role Model

Positive Relationships – Including your child in family discussions is a good way for them to understand how people can get along with others and work together. A child’s family is their first training ground for relationships, and usually one of the strongest influences. It is important to remember though that these conversations should always be pitched at the child’s level of comprehension and discussions that involve adult matters (financial concerns, separation, divorce or sexuality) should be avoided.

Education & Learning – A positive approach to education and knowledge can help your child value the process of discovery and learning. An optimistic outlook generally supports positive outcomes.

Take Responsibility for your Mistakes – openly admitting when you make a mistake, and talking about how you can correct them, will show your child how to be accountable for their own actions. It also teaches them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that you can always bounce back.

Respect – Showing respect to others and trying to problem-solve conflicts that arise, rather than simply getting angry and upset, will show them what respect and problem-solving looks like.

Health & Wellbeing – look after your own wellbeing. Being the best parent you can be and supporting your child through their teenage years requires patience, calmness, time and resilience. Although your family is a priority, they also rely on you. Make your own well-being as important as that of your family, and don’t feel guilty for needing time to yourself. Privacy, space, peace and quiet are often needed to recharge your batteries so you can meet your family’s needs.

No one can do it alone

Remember, if you need support, reach out to people you trust and respect for advice. You might find that other parents have similar experiences, and it can be comforting to know you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed at times.

Your children and teens are always watching what you do. They see how you handle stress. They watch how you treat other people and observe how you deal with your feelings. They soak it all up like little sponges. Even when you think your children aren’t paying attention, they usually are, and it’s essential to be that positive role model for them, setting them up for the best possible life experience you can.